i’m over deadline on a writing thing right now. in the grand tradition of procrastinators, i’ve done the following: washed my delicates, updated my resume, performed candle magick, stretched my calves, washed my makeup brushes, applied an expired face mask, transcendentally meditated, scrolled reddit in the shower, folded laundry, cooked a smoky fish chowder that was actually really good, envisioned rescuing a puppy, flipped through my old notebooks to remember what i sound like when i’m not anxious about sounding like myself.
i’m always kind of amazed by how dread is just Part of the Process. i wonder whether everyone feels this, whether it’s something you get over or just integrate. to read pages and pages of fears and perceived failures from my younger self makes me sad for her, but there’s also something kind of beautiful in knowing that in the long run, dread didn’t prevent me from making things. we create a lot of art, apparently, in the presence of fear; it’s not impossible that i might do it again.
anyway here’s some writing advice from a past self, via a white pleather notebook, c. 2012:
you can write a whole story in scenes, but you can’t write a whole story in summaries. give without giving away
energy is activated in an enclosed space
if there’s a conflict within you, it can be translated into writing
ambiguous is good, confusing is bad
be deceitful
be more than friends with god
life is a constant search for the One Right Thing, endless comparisons between idols and comforts, doubts, chances, suicides…
never end a scene with someone going to sleep
to destroy yourself and not feel it is totally fucking wild
the divine voice is a machine
make all established appointments, say no to everything else
Do Not Ruminate. better late than never!!!
x aiden
I really needed this, thank you. 🩷